XObsessed
by onlyonceinforever
Summary: What happens when select exmembers of the XMen show up at a little high school in cow country. You can thank my spastic mind for this one...Next up: Wolverine!
1. Introduction to Pyro

**Disclaimer: If I don't own anything of any importance in any of my other 70+ fics, why would anything change now?**

**A/N: Ah, the joys of being bored and having study hall... You can thank the Friday release of X3 for this one. Oh, and most of the interaction with the girls has actually taken place. Multiple times, as a matter of fact. You just can't make some of this stuff up. Yeah, we have issues. **

**X-Obsessed**

"Today should be Friday..." a girl complained, rubbling her eyes with her knuckles.

"Today _is_ Friday, you dumbass," another girl, slightly older than the other, corrected. And indeed it was. After one of the longest weeks in high school history, it was finally Friday. And not just any Friday, either. No, it was the Friday before a wonderful, glorious, spectacular, much needed four day weekend.

"Well, in _that_ case..." The first girl, Ashley, pulled out a few loose pieces of paper from her backpack and slammed them down on the desk in front of her. "We should continue with this, then."

"Oh, God..." a third girl slumped back in her seat in exasperation. "Not this again."

"Oh yes, this again." Ashley grinned widely and gestured for the second girl, Sarah, to give her a pen.

"Don't worry, Celia," Sarah said, "We're almost done with the synopsis of the second movie."

"And I think we'll get away with not doing the third one," Ashley chimed, "Seeing as how you're going to be seeing it in... four days anyway."

Celia sighed and let the other two go to work.

"All right, so yesterday we left off with..." Ashley flipped the papers over until she found the previous day's ending point. "Rogue. Ick." There was a pause as the X-obsessed girls thought for a minute. "No, that's not right."

"Yeah, we did Bobby and those people and the complete synopsis of the first one yesterday."

"Right." A light-bulb clicked on. "Right right right! But we had to do them on a different paper because..." Ashley delved back into her backpack. "I temporarily misplaced the original." With a flourish, she produced the correct piece of paper. "Voila!"

"Good for you," Sarah clapped comically. "All right, so where were we?"

"Um... at the part in X2 where Pyro's blowing stuff up and is being awesome and cool and blowing up cops which pisses me off because I love cops, but it's Pyro so I deal with it."

"Okay then. So they come in the jet to rescue them and-"

"Ah, hold on!" Ashley exclaimed, scribbling frantically. "I can't write that fast!" Sarah waited patiently for her counterpart to be finished. Two minutes later, she realized something was wrong, considering Ashley was still writing very quickly.

"Ashley!" Sarah exclaimed, having figured out what was going on.

"What!"

"Stop writing about Pyro!"

"No! Just because I'm not done saying _exactly_ what he does at _every_ moment in the scene does _not_ mean I can stop in the middle!"

"Ashley!"

"Fine! Just give me a few more minutes, all right?"

"Fine."

"_Thank_ you!" With that, Ashley put her head back down and resumed what she was doing. Eventually, she put the pen down and cracked her knuckles loudly. "All right, I'm good. Moving on."

"All right, so they come in the jet and save them-"

"-After Rogue succeeds in pissing me off more than usual by _touching_ Pyro-"

"Right, and some other fairly unimportant stuff happens-"

"-Mainly because Pyro doesn't do anything worth mentioning-"

"Sure, and eventually they go to Alkali Lake (that's the place in Canada from the beginning of the movie)-"

"-All this, of course, happens after about half an hour of footage that we just completely skipped because we're trying to work in time constraints here and we know you just don't care that much-"

"I appreciate that," Celia said, looking more and more like she was regretting allowing her friends to do this by the minute.

"And then-"

"-And then Pyro walks in the classroom and Ashley has a freaking heart attack."

"I'm relatively sure that's not in the script," Sarah commented with a laugh. It took her a moment before realizing that Ashley was staring in the general direction of the front of the room with a rather confused look on her face. Given, that was the look that she had most of the time, but it had actually seemed to have intensified.

"Padfoot?" Celia used her friend's nickname as she waved a hand in front of the other's face. "Are you still here?"

"No..." the answer was vague and sounded distant. "I'm not."

"Ashley, what are you-" Sarah cut herself off upon following her counterpart's line of vision. "Huh?"

Celia followed suit, never one to be left in the proverbial dark.

"Hey," she said intelligently, "Isn't that that guy? The one you're obsessed with?"

"Ah, there are so many of them" was the answer that _should_ have come. But it didn't. Instead, the only response that Celia got was a strangled "Uh huh" before Ashley passed out from the shock.

**All right, yes, I realize that ranks right up there on the list of Ashley's Crappiest Endings, but hey, when I can get two chapters out of one, I jump at the chance. Speaking of which, the next chapter _should_ be slightly more entertaining than this one was. Peace. **


	2. Quality Time

**Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men, I don't _actually_ own any of my friends (though I did sell my soul to Rachel for a spoon the other day), and I certainly don't own Pyro, as much as that fact depresses me.**

When Ashley finally regained consciousness, she found herself staring up at the faces of her friends, which is not particularly the first thing one wants to see after being unconscious. **(A/N: Heh, love you guys!)**

"What the hell just happened?" she said, rubbing her head where it had come in contact with the desk. "I could swear that we were doing our cute little innocent highly detailed synopsis of the second X-Men movie and... Pyro walked in the room. Damn, I think I need to get off the cold medicine..."

"Um, Ashley?" Sarah said tentatively, knowing what she was about to say would not make her friend any more stable mentally. "He...sorta...did."

"Whaaaaaat!" The first girl bolted straight up, nearly colliding with the desk a second time in the process. "You _do_ realize that it's not nice to tease fairly mentally unstable people like that, right?"

"She's not teasing you, Padfoot old chap," Celia grinned insanely from her seat. "He's actually here."

"No. This is exactly what my shrink was telling me _not_ to buy into - the deranged muttering of peoples beyond my control. Or was that the pineapples-are-taking-over-the-world-plot from last week? Whatever. Anyways, seriously, do you people get off on screwing with my head?"

"Well, I can't speak for them, but it does seem like a lot of fun." The voice that answered her did not come from any of the people Ashley had expected it to. Instead, it came from the one person/mutant/thing that definitely wasn't supposed to be there, let alone talking about screwing with her head. Ashley turned her head around slowly and, upon sighting the object of one of her many obsessions, nearly fainted again. After a few deep breaths and a bit of deranged muttering, she composed herself enough to formulate a fragmented question.

"What. The. _Hell_. Are you doing here?" The words had a bit of hysteria laced in there with the confusion.

"Messing with your concept of reality, obviously." The artificially sorta-blonde boy in front of her grinned, sending the girl's head spinning for the second time in as many minutes.

"Well _that_ much I had figured out for myself, thank you very much." Ashley made a vain attempt at looking disgruntled, but failed miserably. It might have had something to do with the fact that he was Pyro and she loved him waaaaaay too much. "But _why_?"

Pyro/John/whatever shrugged. "Because I can be."

"Oh, well, as long as there's a good reason. Say, as long as I have you here, would you mind clearing something up for me?"

"Like why you haven't freaked out yet?" Celia was getting a bit confused at the lack of her obsessed friend's sufficient reaction to the seemingly random appearance of one of her many obsessions, especially one that she couldn't seem to shut up about recently.

"Because I'm still not sure that I'm not hallucinating, that's why. Give it another twenty-ish seconds. I'm sure it'll have sunk in by then."

"What was it that you wanted cleared up?" Pyro/John/whatever asked, looking rather impatient.

"Right. She-" Ashley pointed at Celia accusingly "-says that you're evil. I say you're just misunderstood and totally _not_ evil and just because the Brotherhood wants the same things as the X-Men, but are just willing to go further to get them _does not_ mean they're evil. Your opinion, please?"

"You _do_ realize that the evil people never admit that they're evil, right?" Celia crossed her arms across her chest resolutely.

"Shut up and let the man talk," Ashley snapped, waiting with bated breath for the mutant's response.

"You'd be right," Pyro/John/whatever responded after a moment of thought. "And if I _was_ evil, I'd be the first to admit it."

"HA! So THERE!" Ashley stuck her tongue out in a very mature fashion. "I TOLD you." Celia opted not to respond.

"Ashley," Sarah said shortly, "Has it sunk in yet?"

"Has what sunk in? Oh, right! No. Well... actually..." Ashley blinked twice very quickly. "Yes. Holy shit." There was a momentary period of calm before the storm. "AHHH! PYRO'S HERE AND HE'S TALKING TO ME AND HE AGREED WITH ME AND-AND-AND-AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Is everything all right back there, Ashley?" Finally, after all that had happened, the teacher noticed the commotion.

"Peachy," the currently-on-the-verge-of-hyperventilating girl grinned slightly maniacally. "I'm totally did _not_ just completely freak out."

"Glad to hear it." With that, Mr. Livsey walked out of the room again, leaving the class to its own accord for the third time that period. While the other students continued their excited chapter about the prom happening that night, Sarah, Celia, Ashley, and Pyro/John/whatever remained silent. Silent, that is, until one of them broke the silence upon noticing a manic glint appear in Ashley's eyes.

"You're about to glomp him now, aren't you?" Celia recognized the look moments after it appeared.

"Yes I am." The statement was quite resolute. Seconds later, Ashley carried through with her promise and had the mutant in a deathgrip bear hug. Sarah shook her head. Pyro/John/whatever should have escaped when he had had the chance. As it was, he was looking quite confused and just a little bit strangled as he cast a questioning glance in the latter's direction.

"She's obsessed," Sarah stated, as if that explained everything. Pyro/John/whatever nodded skeptically, eyebrows raised.

"Very obsessed," Celia chimed in, nodding knowingly. After all, if there was anyone who understood obsession the way Ashley did, it was Celia.

"Ooh! Idea!" Ashley, still in glomping position, exclaimed. "Will you light something on fire for me? Preferably not a cop?"

"Uh, I suppose..." Pyro/John/whatever replied. "But you're going to have to get the hell off me first."

"Right. Of course." Despite the agreement, it still took a number of minutes for the obsessed girl to extricated herself from the object of her obsession. "Now burn something. Please."

Pyro/John/whatever lifted one hand to comply with the request (everyone knows that you should work with the crazy people until they can be properly medicated and/or restrained) and was about to ignite the nearest stack of paper when Ashley shrieked.

"Look!" she pointed madly at the black strappy contraption attached to his hand. "See, Sarah, I _told_ you he had a thingy!"

"Yes, you did." Sarah agreed, nodding sagely. "He definitely has a thingy."

Pyro/John/whatever looked to Celia, who shook her head, for an explanation.

"Don't ask."

"Right." With that, he sent a stack of freshman social studies papers up in smoke, making very sure to extinguish the flame before the room's smoke detectors picked it up.

"Cool!" Ashley stared at the ashes happily. "I knew there was a reason why I loved you!"

"If you say so..." Pyro/John/whatever decided that it was best to just go along with it for the time being.

"Yes, well, I do. Hey, so, you never answered my question of _why_-" she was cut off at the sound of the bell ringing, signaling an end to the class and Ashley's thought process. "Hey, will you come to algebra with me?"

"Forget that," Celia said. "We have more important matters to attend to."

"Such as...?"

"Such as," Sarah jumped in, hijacking Celia's thought train. "Is Angel anywhere around here?"

Pyro/John/whatever shrugged. "I suppose he could be. There are a number of mutants crawling around here today."

"Seriously!" Ashley nearly squealed in excitement. "Does that mean Callisto's around here somewhere?"

By the time it would have taken Pyro/John/whatever to respond, Sarah had gathered her things and bolted out the door in search of the object of her own obsession.

"So, you coming?" Ashley and Celia had also gotten all their stuff together and were waiting impatiently for the mutant to follow them.

"I guess." Pyro/John/whatever shrugged inwardly. After all, how bad could two teenage girls be, anyway?


End file.
